A Different Ending For Return of the Jedi
by Dark Side Luke
Summary: The title says it all. I just started writing this not knowing what was going to turn out. My first Star Wars fic. Please be kind!


"You've failed your highness," Luke said. "I am a Jedi, like my father before me."  
  
The Emperor squinted. "Who was that?"  
  
Luke closed his eyes and shook his head. He pointed to Vader, who was lying on the floor behind him. "Him, you moron!"  
  
"Oh!" the Emperor said. "I forgot. See, when you're as old as me, you tend to forget things...did you call me a moron? I'll whoop your ass, boy!"  
  
"Can I ask you one question before I crash into the ground, yelling in pain?" Luke asked.  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
"Can you tell me what happened to your skin?"  
  
"I thought it was skin cream, but it was glue." He shrugged. "When you get to be as old as me you...whatever! Get over here so I can hurt you!"  
  
"Don't you want me to become your apprentice?"  
  
"We've been through this, boy. You rejected my offer, I kill you, I take over the galaxy. End of story! Fine! Just stand there. I'll come to you."  
  
His royal highness took one step forward and tripped over his robes, sending him flying down the stairs. He layed sprawled out on the ground.  
  
Luke turned to his father. "Do I help? Or should I...?" He shrugged and gestured helplessly.  
  
Vader pulled himself off the ground. "I'm not sure," he said in his deep voice. "This has never happened before."  
  
"I'm alright!" Palpatine said, picking himself up. "Thanks for your help, by the way! People these days...oh yeah! I'm supposed to kill you! When your as old as...forget it!" He held up his hands and pointed them at Luke.  
  
A tiny blue bolt of electricity leaped off of Palpatine's fingers and hit Luke in the chest.  
  
Luke looked around. He was supposed to be on the ground. What happened? He touched the rail at his side and a bolt of static leaped from his finger to it. He brought back his hand in surprise.  
  
"Static!" he exclaimed.  
  
Confusion crossed Palpatine's features. He looked his hands, then at Luke.  
  
"I forgot to charge my hands," he said. "Vader, kill him!"  
  
"Ahem," Vader said. "I'm missing a hand, my master. And my sabre for that matter."  
  
"I don't suppose you'd kill yourself, would you?" Palpatine asked Luke.   
  
"Heck no!" Luke said. "I think I'll throw you over this rail and restore order to the galaxy!"  
  
"Why is it always about order?" Palpatine asked. He looked out the window by his throne. "Oh! Now my fleet's getting it's ass kicked!" He stomped a foot on the floor. "Nothing ever goes my way!"  
  
Meanwhile, Luke walked up behind Palpatine and pushed him. Vader was in front of him, on all fours.  
  
Palpatine flew over Vader and over the rail, screaming until his body exploded down below.  
  
"Good work, my son," Vader (obviously) said. He patted him on the back. "I'm sorry we can't do this more often."  
  
"What now?" Luke asked. "You're supposed to be weak and I'm supposed to drag you away."  
  
Vader was silent. "I...don't know," he said.  
  
"Wait!" Luke said. "I've got an idea." He ran over to the welcome mat by the elevator and started to rub his feet against it. He did this for several minutes, then he ran back to Vader.  
  
He touched him and a violent jolt ripped through his body.  
  
"Better?" Luke asked.  
  
"Much..." Vader replied weakly.  
  
Luke helped Vader up and took him to the hangar bay.  
  
***  
  
"Damn you're heavy!" Luke complained. "Could you stand to lose a few pounds?"  
  
"I don't think that matters now that I'm dieing!" Vader replied.  
  
"Dieing? It was one static bolt!"  
  
"Yes, but I'm more machine then man. Machine's have metal in them."  
  
Luke nodded and dropped Vader. He dragged him towards his personal craft and placed him on the ramp.  
  
"Luke," Vader (again, obviously) said. "Help me take this mask off..."  
  
"You're not an ugly guy with no hair under there are you?"  
  
There was a silence. "I guess you'll have to see for yourself."  
  
Luke took off his mask. His assumptions were correct.   
  
"By the sound of your voice," Luke commented. "I would've thought you were a large black man!"  
  
"Shut up," Vader (or Anakin?) said. "Tell your sister...you were right...you were right."  
  
"About what?"   
  
But Vader did not respond. He had died on the ramp to the shuttle.  
  
Luke closed his eyes and stood up. "Good-bye father. You will be the source of fuel for our rebellious marshmellows." He dragged Vader up the ramp.  
  
Luke jumped into the pilots seat and started up the ship. It floated up a few feet then sailed out of the hangar bay.  
  
An explosion chased after the ship but was unable to catch it.  
  
Luke heaved a sigh of relief.  
  
***  
  
Luke carried the burning torch towards the funeral pyre he had built for Vader.  
  
He dropped it and a small tree caught fire. He immediately stamped it out, while melting the sole of his boot.  
  
"I just bought these..." Luke said. "Oh well. I guess you can't have everything."  
  
He threw the torch at the pyre and it caught fire. He watched the blaze.  
  
A spark leaped off a burning stick and hit him in the chest.  
  
"Ah! Crap! That burns!" he yelled, smacking his chest until the pain stopped. "Damn. I'm pretty clumsy for a Jedi." He pulled out a bag of marshmellows and put one on a pointy stick. He pulled out a second marshmellow and put it on Vader's helmet.  
  
"For you, father." He proceeded to roast his marshmellow.  
  
***THE END***  



End file.
